A plea for decent Coffee shops

I imagined motherhood to open the doors to a warm community of chatting mums exchanging ideas, laughs and doing plenty of things together but alas this seemed a myth. In my outer London town which deceivingly appeals to baby-breeders- there seems a distinct lack of cohesion and warm mummy vibe. We're spoilt for choice with beautiful green areas by a river, playgroups, music classes, sure- but where are mums meant to go and hang out? Not as many home coffee mornings as I had imagined- I've not invited many people round to mine, true- but I suppose we prefer to get out of the house.

If meeting friends or doing Netmums meetups we prefer to go out in the park or somewhere where toddlers can play, playground, walking by river, playgroup, some great pubs with climbing frames, cafés and going further afield to museums, bigger parks, soft plays etc. But I'd rather spend my day actually doing, making and creating things. I miss papier mâché modelling, playing piano, other music and want to make clothes for myself and Leon but find it hard to do it in the flat with him around. With childcare costs high and cherishing the enjoyment of spending time with my son, I'd like the advantage of a big space to make, play and learn things while he's happy doing something else.

And I'm not talking community halls or spaces- unless they've got a good vibe- but more like a decent coffee shop or hub. Somewhere where you enjoy hanging out anyway, and if you want to, you can make a dress, or knit a bit, or dance, or make phone calls, blog, tweet etc.

Like a big living room, but not at home. A super coffee shop!

The problem with Cafés
Coffeeshops today are crappy. There aren't any that I love or feel drawn to, and I often moan that they should add kids play area to keep them occupied while you can have a conversation or get on with something else. Play areas are springing up more often in certain Cafés (East Twick) restaurants (Pizza Express, Richmond) pubs (Teddington Arms Yummy Mummy lunch and Twickenham's Bear kids club) but not enough for my liking!

I'm fortunate to live in the town centre and have over 15 coffeeshops that I can walk to in under 10 mins. But man- if they were good I'd spend a lot more time and money there. Twickenham has it's popular coffeeshops, Zizou, Nero... But others lie empty most the day- never a buzz with people, conversation, comfort or decent music. I find them cold, cramped, without atmosphere that I wonder why no one has made a better one or made more effort to get more customers in. Why can't any café entice me to spend 2 hours there, spend £10 on drinks, snacks and wifi while the child is happily occupied with a few toys and meeting other children? Krafty Kidz play café is a good concept and nearest to what is needed, but it lacks that lounge feel that I'm after. Something for the parents with facilities for kids, instead of the other way round.

I suppose it's done purposefully to encourage faster turnover and of course, who wants to be in a cafe full of yummy mummies and noisy children? Not many locals, and I agree- but why not give us at least one decent coffeeshop where we can all go with our tots (buggy park anyone?) Make it a goodun!

Yes- I'd love to open my own parent-friendly hub offering comfy sofas to gas, read, knit, blog, chill; big tables, snug corners, mini offices, open spaces, decent coffee, work-space, tots' entertainment, free or cheap tutorials (make toddler trousers, make a fab dress, mend your clothes, wrap your baby, sun salutation, music lessons, make play dough, piñatas and pitchers of cocktails). I'd even call it Hubba Bubba. It wouldn't have to be too expensive- plenty of empty shops and offices available to use for cheap- but creating a great, welcoming vibe that makes women feel happy to be mothers!

Basically I'm frustrated that plenty of brands are tapping into the Mummy Market but not those that we need the most! Even Starbucks are ignoring us. I'm sure anyone else would appreciate better coffeeshops, more than just seats and beverages but stimulus, areas for collaboration, and communal activity as well as more comfortable, relaxing seats and lighting.

(Maybe I'd feel differently if I had an enormous lounge)

Review of For Sanity's Sake Networking evening, Twickenham

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a 'working mums' event organised by the lovely ladies at For Sanity's Sake, an incredibly useful website for parents looking to get out of the house with their kids, and Mumpreneurs a networking club for busy business mums holding frequent meetings around UK.

As a freelancer, I love opportunities to network and chat to other people -but the reality is, since having a baby I've hardly had the 'opportunity'. Yes, of course like any other mother we do so constantly chat at baby weigh-ins, or whenever we meet for coffee - but often it's with baby-in tow and sometimes it's hard to get into a proper conversation about ideas, experience and general business chit-chat. Evening events are a whole different matter. You feel a bit like yourself and are more 'woman' than 'mother'.

Naturally, it was lovely to see fellow local ladies that I knew already from different occasions and converse over large glasses of wine, and meet new people sharing their experiences with me about work, childcare, life, babies, fashion, home, de-cluttering, society and plenty of ideas...

However I also enjoyed flitting through the stalls to find out anything useful. I questioned Kinesis Studios about what happens to your back after having babies and carrying them for so long - and about being Tall! They were very helpful explaining that instead of bending over all the time, to use my legs and knees more and as I understood, to move around like a dance! They suggested a consultation to check my back and they do massage and pilates classes and body conditioning... sounds like what I need! A few other useful stalls re childcare, but the best was speaking to the people and the three talks.

Mumpreneurs and networking
 
Sara Guiel, co-founder of Mumpreneurs and a fabulous speaker, explained her motivating story of how she created her business after a hiccup with a franchise - totally turned the situation around and does it all with 3 kids in tow. Seems like a big support to other mums looking to start or grow business. She did mention the reality of working evenings on the computer, which is what I dislike and it's so easy to be glued to laptop researching little things here and there and having 50 tabs open in one session!

With regards to a networking club - I like the idea, though our nearest one is Teddington and I haven't yet been - unsure about paying £15 a session/£110 for the year and if it'd be worth it. I think I'd prefer to just chat informally at other opportunities rather feel that I need to get my money's worth! However I should go along to try it out before making my mind up and the first session is free.

Returning to work tips
 
Gained some useful insight from 2 working mums (3days a week) with 20mth old toddlers in nursery since 8 months old and they're so happy to be there, very social and there's hardly anything to prepare- just dress them and go! Different to my ad-hoc arrangement but good to hear the differences ;)

Main tips I got from throughout the evening from attendees who've gone back to work or from Joy Dykers (Criminal Barrister supermum to one 20month old): Start early, be choosy with childcare, be organised, share responsibilities with partner and don't worry - little one will be having fun and doesn't miss you ;)

Supported by Richmond

The highlight of my evening was perhaps hearing from Pamela Fleming, Councillor for South Richmond (Conservative Strategic Cabinet Member for Community Development if you will) outlining why Richmond needs innovating individuals and how they are supporting local businesses and start-ups. They're keen to transform the town and work on the 'villages' identities' to help businesses looking to set-up shop, and improving tourism specifically in time for the 2012 Olympics and 2015 Rugby World Cup... I'd love to get involved further in contributing to the improvement of our high-streets and general community as feel there's so much potential! Pamela made it clear that so much is possible and advised on some projects that I hope will fructify if I get into gear. Thanks to FSS for helping bring people together! (Though unfortunately Zach Goldsmith couldn't make it at the last minute!)

 
Conclusion of this wonderful soirée

So, all in all, a wonderful chance to chat to mothers you know locally but about other more important things, and to meet other new people, hear stories, gain confidence about doing bold things and reassurance that babies/toddlers are happy even without you...
Surrounded by rather successful, ambitious women definitely gave me food for thought and inspired me to get mucho things done in perhaps the last 6 months I may have in Twickers for a while :( I need to channel my energy and effort and actually make things happen!


As I was heading out the door I had a quick chat with two lovely ladies from The Little Gym
a brilliant place for children to discover movement, space and - well it's a gym for kids! FSS held their Christmas party there so Leon had already tried it out and even though was very sleepy, the encouraging instructors helped him tumble, 'surf' over bug cylinders, fly over my head, swing around and generally introduce things from beyond his comfort zone. Although I don't see myself as a pushy mother, I think he could really benefit from sessions there!

Stretch your legs with Culture Baby

Here's to another great initiative benefiting mothers in London. Culture Baby seems to save London mums from cramped coffee shops, nasty looks and banality, by whisking them around culturally stimulating locations all over the city with experts in tow.

"Culturebaby is determined to put mums at the heart of London’s cultural life. Through a series of baby-friendly events and courses, that will stimulate our imaginations and engage our cultural sides. We’ll organise artists, writers, musicians and scientists to give illuminating talks in safe environments in which mums can relax. We’ll arrange visits to museums and galleries and we’ll put on behind- the-scenes tours of the most stunning buildings and homes of the capital."

Photo by Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images Europe

Pram Walk: Serpentine Sculpture Trail, Kensington Gardens

Friday 11^th March 2011 meet at the gate of The Serpentine Gallery 10.15am

Come and join us for a unique FREE event for mothers who want to stretch their minds and their legs with their children. Learn about the works and life of the acclaimed artist Anish Kapoor http://www.kapoorinkensington.org.uk whilst you see his work in a beautiful setting.

We will have a couple of experts with us to tell us about the work on display so you can learn something whilst getting out with your child. All children are welcome. Bring your pram/sling and a friend along for a fun morning.  Please pass this invite on and help us raise awareness of access issues for mothers with babies in London.

Unfortunately I won't be able to make it this time, but I imagine that it would appeal to other parents in the London area inspired to go for a good walk and learning about something cool, so I hope some of you see this and go. You need to book but it's free to do so this time. Other events cost around £6 mark.

When organising local meetups in the Richmond area for Netmums - I wish I knew more about the history of the buildings that we pass (if on a walk) and explain to the mothers that come along what it was used for or simple trivia that I remember. I'd like to enrich others but then I'm not sure if they care... Perhaps I need to brush up on some knowledge to make it interesting, read those history signs, make it to http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/ or better still, ask an expert to come with us on our walks! It will be lovely when spring has sprung properly and we can let the toddlers, who are constantly aching to get out of the prams or wriggle out of slings, out on the grass and talk politics, science, literature, art or just what you're feeding your baby...

Do you ever feel the need to get out and learn stuff?

Twickerati

For anyone living in Twickenham (Richmond Upon Thames) I recommend this blog 

http://www.twickerati.co.uk/

News, comment and ill-informed opinion on local issues for Twickenham residents, aka the twickerati

I was reading the sum-up of the Future in Twickenham conference last weekend (I would have loved to have gone but don't imagine Leon would have enjoyed it as much). It seems that these groups don't talk much to each other.  Council, Residents, Solum construction, Rugby guys, and others all need a compromise about planning issues and development for areas of Twickenham (Kings St, Riverside, Station)

Nothing's really happening and they don't want to change much because of the Rugby World Cup or Olympics or something...

Now, Twickenham - It's a nice town but, unless it's sunny it is very grey, hard and has a huge ugly road going through it. There are stunning parts and I love walking through the old part winding under the bridge, by the lampost to Orleans House Gallery, or past the cemetery, or Sion Road, the trees, so many trees, and gazing from the station bridge across the rooftops of a time before.  Then there are the people in the street, the church street shopkeepers, the charity shop workers, grocers, people you know, the man who draws buildings outside Boots, The dry cleaners and even poundland! (God is that how I use my town?) There is character there and I love it, but it just seems so disconnected. Even Church street could glow a lot more. I feel like I see people go from one thing to the next and no one is stopping to enjoy things properly on the street or the buildings. Not like in other parts of London like Dalston where people chat in the streets and take their time - there's a better vibe. though it's going awry. Yes a lot of towns have lost their identity but i suppose it's moving with it's natural course. But couldn't we just steer it a bit better and help make it a nice place to live?

In the comments Twickerati asks" "what do people want & expect rather than just “not want”. A pleasant residential suburb? A shopping location? A riverside tourist destination? A commercial hub? All have merits but they’re not all complementary. This still needs some thought to help shape what exactly is “Twickenham: the brand”.

Twickenham the brand - will be intriguing to see what comes of it. You can read a town by the vibe. that's all


I want to get involved with making this town a bit better as I know there are lots of groups trying to do things (like FSS, and a bunch of other acronyms POTR PORTT TRAG) but you don't hear about real improvements. Perhaps I'm ill-informed as much of the public is about what can be done and how to approve it or not. Does anyone else know about plans in their towns or do you not really care? I suppose if it's going to happen it will, but I grew up around here and have already seen lots of changes - some great, some not but sure we all just want to have what we need, live well, and live in a harmony with everyone else. Will check out some plans to The Fox pub at the library - gosh is this what motherhood does to you or is it just growing up?

In any case, I feel a community saved through improved community awareness with interesting blogs like Twickerati is a marvelous thing. Localised and specialised social networks like For Sanity's Sake and Netmums (for parents) are bridging gaps between people meeting each other and knowing what's happening in the area. Twitter is linking these event/info organisers and users and slowly people can get on board. People just need to say what they think. I suppose we're all discovering this new world together and I'm pleased to be listening to these conversations and possibly participate.

Mum friends

Being the first of my friends to have babies and moving back to SW London I needed to find other mummies in my hood to hang out with. I thought that this would be easy living in a London borough that is a huge magnet to young families. Though when only a few mothers were smiling back in the streets and I failed at conversing in the weigh-in clinic I felt a bit disgruntled and stuck to my child-less mates enjoying the attention and cups of tea. I suppose I never really thought about how to meet other mums in the beginning - I just got on with the job in hand and enjoyed seeing people I already knew.
When I realised I wanted to meet others in the same boat - and to while away the week instead of eating my parents' food and shopping, I tried the local Netmums meet a mum board and went on a few mum 'dates'. This was brilliant and I met so many different people - my fears of socialising solely with old mumsy types was diminished. (My health visitor told me that the average age of first-time mums in my area was 42 and I must admit I was worried)

[For those thinking why I didn't meet others whilst preggers : I hadn't signed up to NCT as it seemed expensive and I dreaded the thought of hanging out with the stereotypical local mumsy thirty-something banker wives. The local ante-natal classes were cancelled in my area (thanks NHS) and I had to go to the hospital's very basic sessions. There were only two and although lovely - I didn't keep in touch with the 2 couples I met there)

A few months on, and I'm happy to have found a cool group of mums, all different in ages and personality, but with babes in 0-2yr range. Not a real clique, but a regular set who I've met a few times and have now become my friends :)

I'd like to try and help others do the same to avoid missing out on some mummy action. Living in a parent-zone I though there would be some mother camadarie but was disappointed at the lack of community. I'm no social recluse, and can talk to people on the bus, weigh-in clinic, exercise class - but sometimes organised meetups are the way to go. Check out these links if you're in the need to meet some others in the same baby-boat. You need to register for most of them.

Netmums has been a god-send- for one-on-one and group meet-ups
http://www.netmums.com/h/f/MEET/meetamum/
http://www.netmums.com/meet/Netmums_Meetups.1285/

For Sanity's Sake is an excellent new initiative already serving more than 300 members in the local borough of Richmond Upon Thames. Think Netmums, Mumsnet, Babycentre etc without the forum discussions, and with detailed local calendar listings and meetups.
http://www.forsanitysake.co.uk/

Some people have found NCT really useful so find out where your local group is when pregnant just in case. The formal ante-natal are fee-paying, but most bumps and babies meetups are open to all. I enjoy going to a nearby weekly NCT meetup at a nearby pub for a Friday afternoon drink ;)
http://www.nct.org.uk/in-your-area


In Twickenham in particular there is so much potential for locally-led community initiatives. Everyone's concerned about physical changes to the town, but I'm hoping to see all the services and local businesses work together to support each other and the local people to behave like a community. E.g. Councils putting pressure on local landlords to allow the use of empty-shops to be run as short-term hubs for people to come together to work, play, chill. Or more permanently like Grassroots in West Ham or The Hub community centre in Hounslow. But that's another blog post altogether.

Until then, happy mum-meeting!

Winged horses and water nymphs

Cascade, pool and Oceanides

I love these statues in the gardens by the river.


Imported from Italy by a fraudulent financier who took his own life on conviction in 1904, they were acquired by the last private owner of York House, an Indian grandee called Sir Ratan Tata.  
http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/detail.asp?ContentID=11

Two winged horses, with a female rider in a shell chariot, plunge through the water at the top of a cascade and pool. Seven other figures are sitting on the rocks or clambering up and holding out - what? Their hands are empty now, but some think they used to hold pearls aloft. http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/kids_detail.asp?ContentID=11 



I'm going to check out what wonders await at the Twickenham museum this week...
Their website's quite cute with ideas of what to do, for example :

Things to do
- Visit the gardens and draw a picture of the statues, cascade and pool.
- Make your own winged horse or dragon horse out of clay or playdough.
- Can you find the part of the wall that was taken down to get the statues into the gardens? (Clue: It was rebuilt with bricks of a different colour.)

Leon and I are now on a mission...



bless - we can even print out and colour in our own drawing
http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/printdo.asp?ContentID=11

Home

We've been at our cute one-bed flat on top of a cool boutique on a pretty cobbled street by the river in Twickenham, SW London, by the river Thames, for less than a year. We moved here when I was heavily pregnant and had to move as our St Margarets Landlady didn't want a screaming baby living next to her... (wait til you have a baby landlady - there's a lot in store for you - Our baby's actually been very good and our neighbours never hear Leon - or have complained anyway...) My waters broke here and my day of contractions and wailing was here and Leon's grown up in this lovely place. But it's almost time to move on. I need SUN in August, or at least light (the sky is grey today) and a view (not scaffolding, walls and grey sky). Twickenham is lovely but there's not much vibrancy... there's community but it's not very visible. In Dalston, people chat in the streets, there's sound and movement in the streets. Even in Barnes there is more movement and chatting in the cheese shop, the butchers, boutiques etc. and that's the last place I'd want to live. I just hate that big main road that goes through Twickenham.

The people who've been there a while love to chat and you hear some amazing stories and can picture life in Twickenham in the 60's and 1700s (not really any other dates weirdly) and that's even without having gone to the museum (next trip out for Leon and I). I was getting to a point where I was feeling trapped in suburbia and everyone lives in a bubble -  but it's actually a lot better that most the suburbs in that you can get a pint of milk any time at night and don't need a car... Although the grocers are kind, fishmonger helpful, most charity shop ladies chatty... we were looking to move.

We were considering moving to the other side of London but it didn't seem worth it. Not much cheaper and not as nice (loads of parks and river in Twickers)- and why bother going through another move? I've moved the furniture around a bit to give Leon more space to wander and to give us a breath of fresh air. However the flat needs a MAJOR declutter - anyone have any tips? 

I'm looking forward to moving to the sun at some point next year!