I imagined motherhood to open the doors to a warm community of chatting mums exchanging ideas, laughs and doing plenty of things together but alas this seemed a myth. In my outer London town which deceivingly appeals to baby-breeders- there seems a distinct lack of cohesion and warm mummy vibe. We're spoilt for choice with beautiful green areas by a river, playgroups, music classes, sure- but where are mums meant to go and hang out? Not as many home coffee mornings as I had imagined- I've not invited many people round to mine, true- but I suppose we prefer to get out of the house.
If meeting friends or doing Netmums meetups we prefer to go out in the park or somewhere where toddlers can play, playground, walking by river, playgroup, some great pubs with climbing frames, cafés and going further afield to museums, bigger parks, soft plays etc. But I'd rather spend my day actually doing, making and creating things. I miss papier mâché modelling, playing piano, other music and want to make clothes for myself and Leon but find it hard to do it in the flat with him around. With childcare costs high and cherishing the enjoyment of spending time with my son, I'd like the advantage of a big space to make, play and learn things while he's happy doing something else.
And I'm not talking community halls or spaces- unless they've got a good vibe- but more like a decent coffee shop or hub. Somewhere where you enjoy hanging out anyway, and if you want to, you can make a dress, or knit a bit, or dance, or make phone calls, blog, tweet etc.
Like a big living room, but not at home. A super coffee shop!
The problem with Cafés
Coffeeshops today are crappy. There aren't any that I love or feel drawn to, and I often moan that they should add kids play area to keep them occupied while you can have a conversation or get on with something else. Play areas are springing up more often in certain Cafés (East Twick) restaurants (Pizza Express, Richmond) pubs (Teddington Arms Yummy Mummy lunch and Twickenham's Bear kids club) but not enough for my liking!
I'm fortunate to live in the town centre and have over 15 coffeeshops that I can walk to in under 10 mins. But man- if they were good I'd spend a lot more time and money there. Twickenham has it's popular coffeeshops, Zizou, Nero... But others lie empty most the day- never a buzz with people, conversation, comfort or decent music. I find them cold, cramped, without atmosphere that I wonder why no one has made a better one or made more effort to get more customers in. Why can't any café entice me to spend 2 hours there, spend £10 on drinks, snacks and wifi while the child is happily occupied with a few toys and meeting other children? Krafty Kidz play café is a good concept and nearest to what is needed, but it lacks that lounge feel that I'm after. Something for the parents with facilities for kids, instead of the other way round.
I suppose it's done purposefully to encourage faster turnover and of course, who wants to be in a cafe full of yummy mummies and noisy children? Not many locals, and I agree- but why not give us at least one decent coffeeshop where we can all go with our tots (buggy park anyone?) Make it a goodun!
Yes- I'd love to open my own parent-friendly hub offering comfy sofas to gas, read, knit, blog, chill; big tables, snug corners, mini offices, open spaces, decent coffee, work-space, tots' entertainment, free or cheap tutorials (make toddler trousers, make a fab dress, mend your clothes, wrap your baby, sun salutation, music lessons, make play dough, piñatas and pitchers of cocktails). I'd even call it Hubba Bubba. It wouldn't have to be too expensive- plenty of empty shops and offices available to use for cheap- but creating a great, welcoming vibe that makes women feel happy to be mothers!
Basically I'm frustrated that plenty of brands are tapping into the Mummy Market but not those that we need the most! Even Starbucks are ignoring us. I'm sure anyone else would appreciate better coffeeshops, more than just seats and beverages but stimulus, areas for collaboration, and communal activity as well as more comfortable, relaxing seats and lighting.
(Maybe I'd feel differently if I had an enormous lounge)
Keep In Touch
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Mother's Appreciation day
So Happy Mother's day to all you mummies out there - you rule and are doing a great job. It's actually pretty tough to keep up with everything but I'm loving every moment of motherhood.
And after posting last week about my experience of the Life Before P&G challenge, I appreciate how much easier it has become to complete domestic chores with modern products. It has made me realise how we take many supplies for granted : washing machines, cleaning products, childcare, credit cards... and those that want something else often create it and start their own busineses! Easy.
As part of their 'Proud Sponsors of Mums' campaign, running up the to the London 2012 Olympics, they recognise, celebrate and say thank you to mums for the hard work and sacrifice we make for our families in their new ad... You may have seen it already as it's airing this weekend for Mother's day, otherwise here's the ad in all it's glory Let me know what you think. "Never the focus but always there. Like Air." Thanks P&G.
Not sure if anyone else found it a tad patronising? As if mothers accept that they are in the background - ignored almost. I didn't really see my mum like that and sure hope that I'm not under-appreciated. Perhaps I'm being defensive as perhaps it's true and mums generally to everything for their kids. Hmm.
Modern Motherhood and equality
For many, having kids is just another thing women do. We've gained a collection of successes and now juggle so many other commitments and roles including parenting, which in reality could be more balanced.
To develop the theme of how women's illusions are shattered once they have children, Culture Baby are exploring this at a Salon on May 10th Shattered: Modern Motherhood and the illusion of equality for Rebecca Asher's new book "Ranging from antenatal care and maternity leave, to work practices, relationship dynamics and beyond, Shattered exposes the inequalities perpetuated by the state, employers and the parenting industry and suggests imaginative ways forward to achieve more balanced and fulfilling lives." Culture baby
Mothers of the 70s and 80s had it easiest
According to the Changing Face of Motherhood research by P&G, half of modern mothers interviewed agreed that the best time to have been a mother is in the 70s & 80s as there was deemed to be less pressure. Lower property prices, plenty of opportunities, decent nappies. The world was theirs.
My Mum in 1980s
She was a concert pianist leaving her place to study at the Mexico City conservatoire to move to England and marry my dashing dad in 1981. My mum did a brill job raising three daughters in a fun, creative and loving environment and not working until we were at school. She was 27, one year older than I am now when she had my older sister. Chatting about her experience as a young mother in the 80s here are a few things I didn't know:
Mums in 2010s
So, aged 26, I'm 10 years younger than the normal first-time mum, married with a one year old baby and working part-time (if at all) because I can choose to. I live in a rented one-bed flat, my mother when she had me (1984) was already in a property in a desirable part of London that I would no way be able to afford now. Fortunately I live a 20 min walk to my parents so can see them often and enjoy the comforts of their home!
Local Shops and Community
I like to go to my local cobblers, dry cleaners, newsagents and waitrose... but felt hurt when I receive a snarky eye-roll from my local music shop that I read as "another mum and her pram" Perhaps we have higher expectations when it comes to customer service- so much so, we don't want to put up with a less than acceptable high-street and dream to improve it ourselves.
I find most products accessible to me and now wish to improve what I do with my time.
Filling our time
I love getting on with personal projects, but find they are constantly on hold due to me trying to do other stuff and getting lost in reading the wonders of the web. On reflection Edith Bowan said that you never stop finding things to do. Is that mothers or women in general?
I could always get on with something creative but I worry about the noise I make in the living room and if the neighbours can hear the rustle of tissue paper, sticking together, sounds of washing up and pottering/dancing around the flat at 2am. So often just stick to the computer. Quieter. But then I do like to switch off. Never used to like jazz, but just love how sexy the sounds of the likes of Ronnie Magri are. Perhaps I'm finally slowing down to have a look as to how alive we were before. Looking up from our iphones and laptops and releaving our crooked necks to see what is around us.
I'm trying to take my time to live my life rather than talk about it and spending less time on the computer - but having grown up with the internet it feels a bit strange.
Thirty
Now, all my friends are waiting until they're 30 to have their babies which is a common tune. Get comfortable first, then introduce the kids. Makes sense to me - but I'm happy to have started my family at a *younger age* than the rest of society.
And after posting last week about my experience of the Life Before P&G challenge, I appreciate how much easier it has become to complete domestic chores with modern products. It has made me realise how we take many supplies for granted : washing machines, cleaning products, childcare, credit cards... and those that want something else often create it and start their own busineses! Easy.
As part of their 'Proud Sponsors of Mums' campaign, running up the to the London 2012 Olympics, they recognise, celebrate and say thank you to mums for the hard work and sacrifice we make for our families in their new ad... You may have seen it already as it's airing this weekend for Mother's day, otherwise here's the ad in all it's glory Let me know what you think. "Never the focus but always there. Like Air." Thanks P&G.
Not sure if anyone else found it a tad patronising? As if mothers accept that they are in the background - ignored almost. I didn't really see my mum like that and sure hope that I'm not under-appreciated. Perhaps I'm being defensive as perhaps it's true and mums generally to everything for their kids. Hmm.
Modern Motherhood and equality
For many, having kids is just another thing women do. We've gained a collection of successes and now juggle so many other commitments and roles including parenting, which in reality could be more balanced.
To develop the theme of how women's illusions are shattered once they have children, Culture Baby are exploring this at a Salon on May 10th Shattered: Modern Motherhood and the illusion of equality for Rebecca Asher's new book "Ranging from antenatal care and maternity leave, to work practices, relationship dynamics and beyond, Shattered exposes the inequalities perpetuated by the state, employers and the parenting industry and suggests imaginative ways forward to achieve more balanced and fulfilling lives." Culture baby
Mothers of the 70s and 80s had it easiest
According to the Changing Face of Motherhood research by P&G, half of modern mothers interviewed agreed that the best time to have been a mother is in the 70s & 80s as there was deemed to be less pressure. Lower property prices, plenty of opportunities, decent nappies. The world was theirs.
My Mum in 1980s
She was a concert pianist leaving her place to study at the Mexico City conservatoire to move to England and marry my dashing dad in 1981. My mum did a brill job raising three daughters in a fun, creative and loving environment and not working until we were at school. She was 27, one year older than I am now when she had my older sister. Chatting about her experience as a young mother in the 80s here are a few things I didn't know:
- Nappies existed but used to be very leaky - they've improved tremendously. Same for sanitary towels.
- Washing up and laundry products were already established so didn't really think about it. But food was way more expensive. Lots more use of local shops, milkman but then switched to supermarkets for convenience. This we perhaps take for granted- that we can get our hands on pretty much any product we think of.
- Taking the bus was a bit of a nightmare having to fold and carry buggy, baby, bag and get onto bus. I feel we have more mummy-power allbeit majorly stemmed from improved access for wheelchair users and then the pram-pushers benefit.
- Mothers were rather dowdy back then apparently. Personal grooming was perhaps not as important - today plenty of 'self-improvement products available' and see many glam mummies.
- No mobile phones, internet, google maps... Mums used to receive the NCT newsletter for info on coffee mornings with the address and need to find it using the AtoZ!
- It was enjoyable to take time for housework, classes and social gatherings unlike now where there's so much pressure to work. Mum would use her spare time crocheting, knitting but most downtime was spent at coffee mornings.
- Toys were not electric perhaps allowing us to be more creative in how we play
- This was a time when you could leave your pram outside of the shops, but now no one would dare now, gates on schools and health and safety overload...
Mums in 2010s
So, aged 26, I'm 10 years younger than the normal first-time mum, married with a one year old baby and working part-time (if at all) because I can choose to. I live in a rented one-bed flat, my mother when she had me (1984) was already in a property in a desirable part of London that I would no way be able to afford now. Fortunately I live a 20 min walk to my parents so can see them often and enjoy the comforts of their home!
Local Shops and Community
I like to go to my local cobblers, dry cleaners, newsagents and waitrose... but felt hurt when I receive a snarky eye-roll from my local music shop that I read as "another mum and her pram" Perhaps we have higher expectations when it comes to customer service- so much so, we don't want to put up with a less than acceptable high-street and dream to improve it ourselves.
I find most products accessible to me and now wish to improve what I do with my time.
Filling our time
I love getting on with personal projects, but find they are constantly on hold due to me trying to do other stuff and getting lost in reading the wonders of the web. On reflection Edith Bowan said that you never stop finding things to do. Is that mothers or women in general?
I could always get on with something creative but I worry about the noise I make in the living room and if the neighbours can hear the rustle of tissue paper, sticking together, sounds of washing up and pottering/dancing around the flat at 2am. So often just stick to the computer. Quieter. But then I do like to switch off. Never used to like jazz, but just love how sexy the sounds of the likes of Ronnie Magri are. Perhaps I'm finally slowing down to have a look as to how alive we were before. Looking up from our iphones and laptops and releaving our crooked necks to see what is around us.
I'm trying to take my time to live my life rather than talk about it and spending less time on the computer - but having grown up with the internet it feels a bit strange.
Thirty
Now, all my friends are waiting until they're 30 to have their babies which is a common tune. Get comfortable first, then introduce the kids. Makes sense to me - but I'm happy to have started my family at a *younger age* than the rest of society.
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Mum friends
Being the first of my friends to have babies and moving back to SW London I needed to find other mummies in my hood to hang out with. I thought that this would be easy living in a London borough that is a huge magnet to young families. Though when only a few mothers were smiling back in the streets and I failed at conversing in the weigh-in clinic I felt a bit disgruntled and stuck to my child-less mates enjoying the attention and cups of tea. I suppose I never really thought about how to meet other mums in the beginning - I just got on with the job in hand and enjoyed seeing people I already knew.
When I realised I wanted to meet others in the same boat - and to while away the week instead of eating my parents' food and shopping, I tried the local Netmums meet a mum board and went on a few mum 'dates'. This was brilliant and I met so many different people - my fears of socialising solely with old mumsy types was diminished. (My health visitor told me that the average age of first-time mums in my area was 42 and I must admit I was worried)
[For those thinking why I didn't meet others whilst preggers : I hadn't signed up to NCT as it seemed expensive and I dreaded the thought of hanging out with the stereotypical local mumsy thirty-something banker wives. The local ante-natal classes were cancelled in my area (thanks NHS) and I had to go to the hospital's very basic sessions. There were only two and although lovely - I didn't keep in touch with the 2 couples I met there)
A few months on, and I'm happy to have found a cool group of mums, all different in ages and personality, but with babes in 0-2yr range. Not a real clique, but a regular set who I've met a few times and have now become my friends :)
I'd like to try and help others do the same to avoid missing out on some mummy action. Living in a parent-zone I though there would be some mother camadarie but was disappointed at the lack of community. I'm no social recluse, and can talk to people on the bus, weigh-in clinic, exercise class - but sometimes organised meetups are the way to go. Check out these links if you're in the need to meet some others in the same baby-boat. You need to register for most of them.
Netmums has been a god-send- for one-on-one and group meet-ups
http://www.netmums.com/h/f/MEET/meetamum/
http://www.netmums.com/meet/Netmums_Meetups.1285/
For Sanity's Sake is an excellent new initiative already serving more than 300 members in the local borough of Richmond Upon Thames. Think Netmums, Mumsnet, Babycentre etc without the forum discussions, and with detailed local calendar listings and meetups.
http://www.forsanitysake.co.uk/
Some people have found NCT really useful so find out where your local group is when pregnant just in case. The formal ante-natal are fee-paying, but most bumps and babies meetups are open to all. I enjoy going to a nearby weekly NCT meetup at a nearby pub for a Friday afternoon drink ;)
http://www.nct.org.uk/in-your-area
In Twickenham in particular there is so much potential for locally-led community initiatives. Everyone's concerned about physical changes to the town, but I'm hoping to see all the services and local businesses work together to support each other and the local people to behave like a community. E.g. Councils putting pressure on local landlords to allow the use of empty-shops to be run as short-term hubs for people to come together to work, play, chill. Or more permanently like Grassroots in West Ham or The Hub community centre in Hounslow. But that's another blog post altogether.
Until then, happy mum-meeting!
When I realised I wanted to meet others in the same boat - and to while away the week instead of eating my parents' food and shopping, I tried the local Netmums meet a mum board and went on a few mum 'dates'. This was brilliant and I met so many different people - my fears of socialising solely with old mumsy types was diminished. (My health visitor told me that the average age of first-time mums in my area was 42 and I must admit I was worried)
[For those thinking why I didn't meet others whilst preggers : I hadn't signed up to NCT as it seemed expensive and I dreaded the thought of hanging out with the stereotypical local mumsy thirty-something banker wives. The local ante-natal classes were cancelled in my area (thanks NHS) and I had to go to the hospital's very basic sessions. There were only two and although lovely - I didn't keep in touch with the 2 couples I met there)
A few months on, and I'm happy to have found a cool group of mums, all different in ages and personality, but with babes in 0-2yr range. Not a real clique, but a regular set who I've met a few times and have now become my friends :)
I'd like to try and help others do the same to avoid missing out on some mummy action. Living in a parent-zone I though there would be some mother camadarie but was disappointed at the lack of community. I'm no social recluse, and can talk to people on the bus, weigh-in clinic, exercise class - but sometimes organised meetups are the way to go. Check out these links if you're in the need to meet some others in the same baby-boat. You need to register for most of them.
Netmums has been a god-send- for one-on-one and group meet-ups
http://www.netmums.com/h/f/MEET/meetamum/
http://www.netmums.com/meet/Netmums_Meetups.1285/
http://www.forsanitysake.co.uk/
http://www.nct.org.uk/in-your-area
In Twickenham in particular there is so much potential for locally-led community initiatives. Everyone's concerned about physical changes to the town, but I'm hoping to see all the services and local businesses work together to support each other and the local people to behave like a community. E.g. Councils putting pressure on local landlords to allow the use of empty-shops to be run as short-term hubs for people to come together to work, play, chill. Or more permanently like Grassroots in West Ham or The Hub community centre in Hounslow. But that's another blog post altogether.
Until then, happy mum-meeting!
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