Bye Bye Breastfeeding

So, it has come to an end - my bouncing little cherub of 7 and a half months is coming off the boob. I feel liberated but a bit sad that I may never breastfeed again - it's such a beautiful feeling to produce your baby's milk and satisfy their demands with your body. Their sounds of indulgent gulping throughout, and contented cooing after they've finished a feed - all produced by you. I loved how easy it was (after the first week's soreness hurdle) to feed my baby and not need to sterilise bottles and buy powder and have water ready at a time when Elias needed feeding the most often. Milk on tap, portable, warm and forever ready beat night-time formula prep and also gave me an extra hand free to pick up my coffee (it's OK during a feed!), browse online, stroke baby or fend off a toddler. Oh, and it gave me massive boobs for a while, which is such a change!

Although he's forever developing, I feel as though Elias has entered a new phase of mobility, exploration, and communication that ties in well with a severence of our special bond. I too, am entering a new phase of independence and freedom, allbeit due to my own disorganisation of not expressing milk or leaving my baby for too long. Most mothers balance breastfeeding well with normal life, my response was to just involve my baby with everything I did and everywhere I went, thanks largely to babywearing - but now I want to burst free and go out dancing, drinking, stay out late, largely because I can - but mainly because I miss it. (err I haven't yet but want to! On the hunt for a babysitter ;)

Gosh this sounds dramatic and life-changing but it's a just a new phase of so many others: he's commando crawling, loves holding our hands and going for a little walk, leading the weaning and I had almost forgotten how messy that gets! His night-time sleep is always interrupted by a need for 2 bottles which is frustrating and tells me he needs to eat more during the day, but this is part of our journey to make him a strong little boy and I'm happy knowing that I started it the best way I could.

Now, to wait for les boobs to settle and go underwear shopping!

I have a two year old

Since the 5th of January I've been getting to grips with living with my two year old.

Two years old

The past year has been a complete metamorphosis of my little lad growing from a commando crawling not yet one year old, to a running, football-playing, talking, funny, clever little boy. It's amazing to think that the transformation has only happened over one year, from all-fours crawling on his 1st birthday, finally walking at 14 months, then the words started happening. He's really coming on with his talking- so much that he's developed his own language- a mixed up version of English, French and Spanish which is quite cute. He continues to surprise me and can even count to 10. I am amazed at his intelligence! He's at ease on an aeroplane and was lucky to have several holidays this year. He's usually a fab eater, loves playing with his cars, trains, buses and has discovered the telly and the iPad... He also underwent his first hospital operation- ridding him of his Tongue tie, and most importantly- is soon to be a big brother. (Little bro is due TODAY.)

However, his increased communication has empowered him tremendously and he expects to be right, to be answered to, to be heard in his own way- on his terms. It's tiring to hear his whining or see his throwing things and although I feel as though I'm firm, but fair - it's tough and I often give in to his demands. Or conversely, get angry, shout and distance myself from him! I think we need to get out earlier in the morning when all is still peachy and get him to run off that energy before it turns...

When at home he often plays nicely by himself, but it isn't always the case. I enjoy getting down to play with him of course, but I can't the whole time. I'm tired, don't have as much energy as usual and feel he should be able to play on his own and be independent. If I leave him mini challenges, be it a puzzle, his blocks, or tidying away- he can get on with it very well. I think I need to find more ideas for games and tasks to really fulfill him as he just seems, well bored. I love the Montessori ideology of independent learning to help him help himself but I'm not putting enough effort into it.

If he complains, I try to distract him with a game, or offer to read a book... Shamefully, the main bribery that works recently, are the magic words "Shall we watch Fireman Sam?". I know. But I don't do it often. Usually it's him that asks me - and he's so sweet when he does I can hardly say no... Yesterday we had a telly free day and it was brilliant. I feel we're turning over a new leaf and he accepts when I say no, or switch off the telly after one episode. I feel I'm back in charge once again. Slowly.

He's going to the childminder's once a week again (treat from OH) and loves it. I do too and can get on with stuff without interruptions -as bad as it sounds- but it's beneficial for us both. He plays all day and hangs out with different people. When I pick him up again we're both so happy and play together nicely.

At night, he's recently had trouble sleeping on his own, insisting we "sit down!" while he drops off. If he wakes at night he calls out to us and won't cry himself to sleep as he used to. He's stronger, more resilient and doesn't really cry, more yell "MamiTAAAAA!!". We get up and sit by him and sneak off when he's nodded off again. Then if it's past 6, we just bring him into bed with us.

Oh, I don't mean to ramble and reading back it sounds like he's tough but it's just the hard parts that stick in my mind! He's a great kid, and we have lots of fun. It's lovely to see him playing with his little friends and follow how their relationships grow (while I can kick back with the other mummies) and I love how we can have conversations with him, figure out what he's trying to communicate, yet we still underestimate him. He's very sensitive and I'm eager to see how he'll react to the new arrival.

*                 *                 *

Prep for train cake

For his birthday, we enjoyed two mini celebrations: one at playgroup and one at the pub! Check out how easy it is to make a fun train cake:

I followed Stork margarine's Victoria sponge recipe they had at the back of the tub (8oz sugar, 8oz margarine, 8oz flour, 1tsp baking powder, 3eggs, 1 tsp vanilla essence, 180C for 25mins), let the cake cool slightly, cut into four and added jam in the middle. I arranged the carriages on a board and cut bits off to form the 'engine'.

Once it looked kind of train-like I covered it with icing, sweets, animals and painted tracks. Et voila a crazy train cake!

Crazy train cake

Mother's Appreciation day

So Happy Mother's day to all you mummies out there - you rule and are doing a great job. It's actually pretty tough to keep up with everything but I'm loving every moment of motherhood.

And after posting last week about my experience of the Life Before P&G challenge, I appreciate how much easier it has become to complete domestic chores with modern products. It has made me realise how we take many supplies for granted : washing machines, cleaning products, childcare, credit cards... and those that want something else often create it and start their own busineses! Easy.

As part of their 'Proud Sponsors of Mums' campaign, running up the to the London 2012 Olympics, they recognise, celebrate and say thank you to mums for the hard work and sacrifice we make for our families in their new ad... You may have seen it already as it's airing this weekend for Mother's day, otherwise here's the ad in all it's glory Let me know what you think. "Never the focus but always there. Like Air." Thanks P&G.
Not sure if anyone else found it a tad patronising? As if mothers accept that they are in the background - ignored almost. I didn't really see my mum like that and sure hope that I'm not under-appreciated. Perhaps I'm being defensive as perhaps it's true and mums generally to everything for their kids. Hmm.

Modern Motherhood and equality
For many, having kids is just another thing women do. We've gained a collection of successes and now juggle so many other commitments and roles including parenting, which in reality could be more balanced.
To develop the theme of how women's illusions are shattered once they have children, Culture Baby are exploring this at a Salon on May 10th Shattered: Modern Motherhood and the illusion of equality for Rebecca Asher's new book "Ranging from antenatal care and maternity leave, to work practices, relationship dynamics and beyond, Shattered exposes the inequalities perpetuated by the state, employers and the parenting industry and suggests imaginative ways forward to achieve more balanced and fulfilling lives." Culture baby 

Mothers of the 70s and 80s had it easiest
According to the Changing Face of Motherhood research by P&G, half of modern mothers interviewed agreed that the best time to have been a mother is in the 70s & 80s as there was deemed to be less pressure. Lower property prices, plenty of opportunities, decent nappies. The world was theirs.

My Mum in 1980s
She was a concert pianist leaving her place to study at the Mexico City conservatoire to move to England and marry my dashing dad in 1981. My mum did a brill job raising three daughters in a fun, creative and loving environment and not working until we were at school. She was 27, one year older than I am now when she had my older sister. Chatting about her experience as a young mother in the 80s here are a few things I didn't know:

• Nappies existed but used to be very leaky - they've improved tremendously. Same for sanitary towels.
• Washing up and laundry products were already established so didn't really think about it. But food was way more expensive. Lots more use of local shops, milkman but then switched to supermarkets for convenience. This we perhaps take for granted- that we can get our hands on pretty much any product we think of.
• Taking the bus was a bit of a nightmare having to fold and carry buggy, baby, bag and get onto bus. I feel we have more mummy-power allbeit majorly stemmed from improved access for wheelchair users and then the pram-pushers benefit.
• Mothers were rather dowdy back then apparently. Personal grooming was perhaps not as important - today plenty of 'self-improvement products available' and see many glam mummies.
• No mobile phones, internet, google maps... Mums used to receive the NCT newsletter for info on coffee mornings with the address and need to find it using the AtoZ! 
• It was enjoyable to take time for housework, classes and social gatherings unlike now where there's so much pressure to work. Mum would use her spare time crocheting, knitting but most downtime was spent at coffee mornings.
• Toys were not electric perhaps allowing us to be more creative in how we play
• This was a time when you could leave your pram outside of the shops, but now no one would dare now, gates on schools and health and safety overload...

Although there was a baby boom in the 80s it wasn't anything like today - perhaps there's been a decrease in the importance of individual mothers and are seen as groups now. Mothers previously were talked to in the street- unlike now where people avoid the swarms of bugaboos taking over the pavement. I can imagine there was a better sense of community between mums as there weren't as many then. And there wasn't all this technology to become attached to.

Mums in 2010s
So, aged 26, I'm 10 years younger than the normal first-time mum, married with a one year old baby and working part-time (if at all) because I can choose to. I live in a rented one-bed flat, my mother when she had me (1984) was already in a property in a desirable part of London that I would no way be able to afford now. Fortunately I live a 20 min walk to my parents so can see them often and enjoy the comforts of their home!

Local Shops and Community
I like to go to my local cobblers, dry cleaners, newsagents and waitrose... but felt hurt when I receive a snarky eye-roll from my local music shop that I read as "another mum and her pram" Perhaps we have higher expectations when it comes to customer service- so much so, we don't want to put up with a less than acceptable high-street and dream to improve it ourselves. 
I find most products accessible to me and now wish to improve what I do with my time.

Filling our time
I love getting on with personal projects, but find they are constantly on hold due to me trying to do other stuff and getting lost in reading the wonders of the web. On reflection Edith Bowan said that you never stop finding things to do. Is that mothers or women in general?
I could always get on with something creative but I worry about the noise I make in the living room and if the neighbours can hear the rustle of tissue paper, sticking together, sounds of washing up and pottering/dancing around the flat at 2am. So often just stick to the computer. Quieter. But then I do like to switch off. Never used to like jazz, but just love how sexy the sounds of the likes of Ronnie Magri are. Perhaps I'm finally slowing down to have a look as to how alive we were before. Looking up from our iphones and laptops and releaving our crooked necks to see what is around us. 
I'm trying to take my time to live my life rather than talk about it and spending less time on the computer - but having grown up with the internet it feels a bit strange.
   
Thirty
Now, all my friends are waiting until they're 30 to have their babies which is a common tune. Get comfortable first, then introduce the kids. Makes sense to me - but I'm happy to have started my family at a *younger age* than the rest of society.

Mum friends

Being the first of my friends to have babies and moving back to SW London I needed to find other mummies in my hood to hang out with. I thought that this would be easy living in a London borough that is a huge magnet to young families. Though when only a few mothers were smiling back in the streets and I failed at conversing in the weigh-in clinic I felt a bit disgruntled and stuck to my child-less mates enjoying the attention and cups of tea. I suppose I never really thought about how to meet other mums in the beginning - I just got on with the job in hand and enjoyed seeing people I already knew.
When I realised I wanted to meet others in the same boat - and to while away the week instead of eating my parents' food and shopping, I tried the local Netmums meet a mum board and went on a few mum 'dates'. This was brilliant and I met so many different people - my fears of socialising solely with old mumsy types was diminished. (My health visitor told me that the average age of first-time mums in my area was 42 and I must admit I was worried)

[For those thinking why I didn't meet others whilst preggers : I hadn't signed up to NCT as it seemed expensive and I dreaded the thought of hanging out with the stereotypical local mumsy thirty-something banker wives. The local ante-natal classes were cancelled in my area (thanks NHS) and I had to go to the hospital's very basic sessions. There were only two and although lovely - I didn't keep in touch with the 2 couples I met there)

A few months on, and I'm happy to have found a cool group of mums, all different in ages and personality, but with babes in 0-2yr range. Not a real clique, but a regular set who I've met a few times and have now become my friends :)

I'd like to try and help others do the same to avoid missing out on some mummy action. Living in a parent-zone I though there would be some mother camadarie but was disappointed at the lack of community. I'm no social recluse, and can talk to people on the bus, weigh-in clinic, exercise class - but sometimes organised meetups are the way to go. Check out these links if you're in the need to meet some others in the same baby-boat. You need to register for most of them.

Netmums has been a god-send- for one-on-one and group meet-ups
http://www.netmums.com/h/f/MEET/meetamum/
http://www.netmums.com/meet/Netmums_Meetups.1285/

For Sanity's Sake is an excellent new initiative already serving more than 300 members in the local borough of Richmond Upon Thames. Think Netmums, Mumsnet, Babycentre etc without the forum discussions, and with detailed local calendar listings and meetups.
http://www.forsanitysake.co.uk/

Some people have found NCT really useful so find out where your local group is when pregnant just in case. The formal ante-natal are fee-paying, but most bumps and babies meetups are open to all. I enjoy going to a nearby weekly NCT meetup at a nearby pub for a Friday afternoon drink ;)
http://www.nct.org.uk/in-your-area


In Twickenham in particular there is so much potential for locally-led community initiatives. Everyone's concerned about physical changes to the town, but I'm hoping to see all the services and local businesses work together to support each other and the local people to behave like a community. E.g. Councils putting pressure on local landlords to allow the use of empty-shops to be run as short-term hubs for people to come together to work, play, chill. Or more permanently like Grassroots in West Ham or The Hub community centre in Hounslow. But that's another blog post altogether.

Until then, happy mum-meeting!

In a Nutshell

As a new mummy blogger I have missed the boat on posting photos and notes of my pregnancy and birth... a relief perhaps to some - so here is a brief recap and the things I wish I had known or done before embarking on the joys of pregnancy and childbirth:

During Pregnancy
I was lucky throughout my pregnancy to not have morning sickness or nausea apart from when the little Fetus inside me told me that I was pregnant. Not only had I developed a strange distate for smoking, but after a big night out I had what felt like a massive hangover that lasted all week - my colleague suggested perhaps the vomiting in the toilets was a sign I was pregnant - nooo surely not!! Impossible - we're so careful... hmmm. All the illness stopped as soon as I did the test! Little Fetus was finally happy that I found out.

It was a truly perfect pregnancy - until I discovered the ugly purple lines developing underneath my humongous bump. How I WISH that I had listened to the wise women telling me to rub olive oil/cocoa butter/animal fat on my bump twice a day instead of whenever I remembered or was convenient- stretch marks for life are not pretty! They may fade - but they may not and the 30 seconds it takes to moisturise your bump is well worth it!

Labour
Having my waters pop at midnight the morning of my due date was exciting, though difficult to determine if they were really my waters as it was after some sweet luuurve-making. Soon after being sent back home from the hospital - the contractions started. And man were they painful. Even though I had the luxury of Mon Amour massaging my back for EACH contraction I wish I had rented a TENS machine to zap them away! I do recall a lot of screaming in the flat before heading out to the hospital and also in the car. It felt like a proper start to a pregnancy in the films - panting away and gripping onto the car seat with the occasional oooooAWWWW!! On arrival I was already 7cm dilated so could soon start with the pushing.

Whilst I don't regret not having an epidural and beating pain with solely gas and air- the TENS machine could have come in handy and I may have been less exhausted for the pushing, which lasted 3 hours before the doctor sucked him out with a ventouse. and out he popped at 8.40pm :) Although I was ecstatic when he finally came out - the ventouse did indeed feel like a "TV box is being shoved inside you" (as a fellow new mother so elegantly described it over breakfast the next morning) and it was more a relief to have the huge 9.9lbs (4.36kg) baby finally in my arms.

It was amazing to take the little babe back home with us- though as we closed the front door Mon Amour and I looked at each other and I felt - OK, it's up to us now- Let the fun begin!